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Dating A Rock Star November 30, 2007

Posted by ashleysguide in Dating & Relationships.
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Known for their trademark wild ways and bad-boy attitudes, rock stars have been attracting women since the day Elvis first crooned “All Shook Up.” Maybe it’s the mix of those off-beat looks, that notorious rebellious attitude or the soulful way they sing/ jam on their guitars that makes all the girls go ga-ga for them. Well, whatever it is rock stars definitely possess that certain je ne sais quoi, so how do you snag one and once you do how do you keep them interested?

If anyone knows how it is done, it is women with names like Pamela Anderson, Heidi Klum and Carmen Electra. They are among the most beautiful women in the world, with career titles such as international super model, A-list platinum actress, punk rock princess and ex-Baywatch babe to prove it. For these lucky few they have one more title they can add to their resumes; it is that of current or former wife, girlfriend and/or fiancée of the elusive rock star.

We aren’t sure if you can ever really tie down a musician, but stranger things have happened and with the help of some accounts and stories of the famous other halves of a rock star duo we compiled some tips to help you date a rock star.

Be Aggressive, Be, Be Aggressive
Rock stars and musicians alike are used to constant attention. You need to stand out and apart from the crowd to remove yourself from just being another adoring fan. Take it from Gwyneth Paltrow. After attending a Coldplay concert, the classic blonde star made her way backstage where she began a conversation with lead singer, and future husband, Chris Martin. She gave him her number and the rest is history. Don’t be afraid to take the initiative, the worst he can say is “no.”

Know the Right People
In this life, it is all about connections and who you know. With jobs, colleges and especially dating rock star celebrities it doesn’t hurt to befriend people in key places. Just ask supermodel Iman. Her first date with her husband of almost twenty years, musician David Bowe, was a blind date set up by a mutual hairdresser! Even though they claim it was “love at first sight,” a simple liaison to love was just the ticket to get her foot in the doorway to musical bliss. Don’t ignore the “little” people; they are normally the ones who can help out the most.

Act as a Support System
Maybe it was growing up with a rock star legend as a father that helped out in the process of actually marrying another rock star, or maybe it could be attributed to acting as the “rock” in the relationship that helped Hollywood A-lister Liv Tyler snag her husband Royston Langdon after three years of dating. She has been known to accompany Langdon on his long tours and he has even called her “his muse.” Showing support for a rock star and his ambitions proves vital if you want to remain a rock star girlfriend. All rock stars also lead insane and otherwise abnormal lifestyles in comparison to the regular day jobs of most men. Having a girlfriend to stabilize an otherwise crazy lifestyle of a musician is extremely important in keeping a musician and your relationship on solid ground.

 

Opposites Might Not Always Attract
Sharing common interests and goals helps out in any relationship and dating a musician is no exception. The antithesis of the blonde sugar-coated pop star, Avril Lavigne found her match made in rock star heaven when she married Sum 41’s Deryck Whibley. For this couple, sharing the same passion for their punk rock career goals has helped sustain their relationship since their meeting in 2004. Since musicians are so passionate about their music sharing the same drive and obsession with it can result in a more intense bond. You should not change who you are to fit into someone else’s life, but finding someone who accepts your own musical passion is just one of the plus-sides to dating a rock star.

Take Them for Who They Are
Rock stars are known to be wild and pretty much untamable. For some this is an act, but for others like Kiss legend Gene Simmons the “this is who I am. Take it or leave it. (A personal quote)” mentality is an innate quality. By dating a rock star, sometimes you have to accept them for who they are and realize their limitations. Such is the case with Simmons not-wife-by-law for more then 23 years, Shannon Tweed. Even though they have multiple children and have shared the same residence for over two decades, this couple remains “happily unmarried.” When he first met her, he was quoted as saying, “Here, there are no skeletons in Gene Simmons’s closet. I refuse to lead a Dr Jekyll-and-Mr Hyde life.” He hasn’t and she has accepted.

Dating a rock star is much like dating any other person, well with screaming fans and hectic-beyond-hectic lifestyles. It is important to be patient, be supportive and know that some musicians might just not be worth your time or energy.

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Comments»

1. Laura - November 30, 2007

Great advice Ashley! And brilliantly written article as well. You will definitely make a great journalist!

2. Carolyn - December 21, 2007

Thanks for this. I read it being a little ‘misty eyed…’ and some thoughts of the ‘good old days’….

I have been fortunate to ‘date’ a couple of popular musos over the years, and although we’ve parted and gone on to other partners – I’m now married to a fighter pilot, and trust me – their egos are BIGGER and they are more hight maintenance – than any rockers I’ve known, I also found that discretion is a BIG plus. Within the muso circle I was at the time, the women who kept their mouths SHUT and didn’t go ‘telling all’ to the trashy womens mags earnt respect. The ‘kiss and tell’ behaviour only served to have the rockers treat those girls as groupies and a bit of fluff. Also, having dignity and not behaving like a screaming fan helped. Be aggressive, but remember, men like the chase no matter how much ego stroking goes on. Dress appropriately. Rockers know a trashy one nighter from something more serious – as ‘B’ said to me, “slags are easy to peg just by the way they dress. They leave nothing to the imagination”. Also, BE INTERESTING. Have a mind of your own, stand out of the crowd with your mind and conversation – not only your looks.

So twenty years on, the rockers I dated and I are still friends. Whenever they’re touring, they will call and come over for dinner with my hubby and I, or we’ll catch up for a coffee and chat. They keep in touch via phone, email and letter. They’ve trusted me with important problems and advice.

Thanks again,
C

3. dating guide online - July 24, 2008

Love your work ashley, very informative guide to dating rockers !

4. AJ - October 11, 2009

How do I approach a big rockstar?
Ive met a real big rockstar while touring backstage he made a lot compliments to me and tried chatting but I was very nervous and shy, now I feel like I missed a opportunity to give out my number, how can I approach him again? Note: this will require a lot planning cause I’d have to get backstage to his concert again…thank you so much

5. christine - November 13, 2009

Aj, “rockstars” ARE JUST PEOPLE! Be yourself. He was obviously giving you compliments for a reason!

6. Stephanie - December 7, 2009

I’ve been dating an amazing guy for about four months now and he’s in a band that is definetly going places. I trust him I just don’t know how I’m going to handle him not being around for long periods of time. Any advice on how to keep my sanity not only for myself but for both of us? I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make this relationship last and to make him happy. Please help if you can. Thank you.

7. Missy - April 20, 2010

hey stephanie, I’m in the same boat!
dating a drummer for 5 months now. His band are picking up, he’s in another one to make ends meet – sounds contradictory, but its mainly to pay the bills. Kinda hard sometimes to not hear from him for days on end, weekends cancelled, I sometimes feel in limbo. I will admit, I have never dated a musician before, so I didn’t know what to expect. However I know space, freedom, PATIENCE and understanding has to be there, something I’ve learned. I’ve actually tried to find a group on networks such as facebook for the partner of a musician (may start one myself) – offering support, tips, laughs etc.
Anyway, thats me rambling. The important thing is is to have a life of your own. Hobbies, sports, friends – these help occupy the time. Be supportive how you can. If he knows his girlfriend is supportive and not ‘bugging’, thats even more assuring. With my guy I know he respects my life, he asks me to fit him into it lol. We reciprocate the support of each other’s passions.
Treasure he’s with YOU for a reason, not anyone else – and sometimes thats enough to pull you through.
Missy x

8. starbright - November 15, 2010

Im living with a well known musician here in LA.. however, he has not had employment for a long while. we been living together for almost year.. I have been patient, supportive however, I find myself giving him money, the use of my car… he tells me his band is his top priority. I give my all and give all support..however, he gives back very little..and he’s always home..

9. Stephanie - December 31, 2010

Thanx missy!! Any words of wisdom and advice are definetly comforting. It’s nice to hear stories f girls that r in similar situations for sure. Thanx again!! :^)

10. Moonlightlady339 - March 29, 2011

I’m sorry but it sounds like, in many cases, that the “rock star” is putting it out there to his “girl”, “wife”, etc., “look you know the rock lifestyle, I’m going to have relations with people on the road”, get over it, or hit the road. Women, is this what you “really want” in a relationship? Why, just to be able to say you know, or have some type of relationship with a “road running, womanizing, hard drinking, unfaithful guy”? Think about it. Why do you think they do this? For the “girls” people. Will they change. Highly unlikely unless they get tired of it all in their “80s”.

11. tina D - May 3, 2011

Hi!
I have been dating a guy for about 3 years… He is the frontman of the band. Hes getting bigger and bigger everday. He went on this first tour for a month couple weeks ago. Before he went on the tour he filmed his first music video. He had to kiss the model. After couple days on the tour he broke up with me. He said he needed me to be free. Hes not sure whats going to happend. He doesnt want to hurt me. I was there when he had no one or nothing. I supported him. I never looked at him for who he is going to become but who he really is, He says he loves me soooo much that he doesnt want to hurt me. I never fell out of love with him. He says he hasnt. We dont talk but the times we have, he says that lets give us a year to grow… if its meant to be be ….it will be.
What should i think? I feel like this is the beiging and hes just so confused with everything thats going on. Need help Please!

12. meredith - August 14, 2011

I myself have been dating a musician for the past 2 years. he is a full time musician and a full time industrial commercial painter when hes in town. Ya so no need to explain he has little time for me some days. Some days im completely ok with it cause i have things to do like school work etc. But other days ya know those days when you dont want to call your friend and talk you just need someone to cuddle with? Those are the times i truly miss. He was gone for awhile he toured with killswitch engage and also with mushroom head about year and half ago.It was rough cause before then we hadnt had one day apart we are best friends. And as for the previous post i understand how that goes i didnt want to know things that happened while he was gone. He tells me nothing happend im ok believing that for now. I currently have a job i can leave and go on the road with him. But ya know i dont think the man is worth your time people can truly love each other and be best friends but how i always looked at dating a musician is if he says things like that then maybe its just not worth your time. You need someone who will commit to you even if hes not there. Im a gal who just loves to be with her man and just cuddle its who i am you cant change me. But i feel if he became this big musician i will do my best to make it work. If its not for me then well all things eventually come to a end so i am still young and would just move on with my life and pick up and start again. Ya it may be hard but it is for your future hapiness sometimes its just not the lifestyle you want to live. Its truly not for everyone. I hope you find your way sweetie take care of yourself. And remember your hapiness needs to come first for anything to work

13. Dannyboy - September 11, 2011

ok, I am actually on the other side of the fence, where I am the rockstar. MOONLIGHT, you are very wrong in the respect that we “do it for the women”. we do it for the music and if any pro tells you anything different, they are lying. ya, your goals and reasons for doing it can change, it all starts with our passion for music.

now, I actually met my girl on tour. it actually was a bad day for me and it was one of those “i should have clocked in can’t wait to get to the bus” shows. her friend was actually being a groupy to my bass player and she was strung along all pissed off too from things going on in her life at the time. this is really what drew me to her. she was not sluty or looking for anything. I said hello, then a few minutes later we left. she came to our next show (via her friend making her go) and we hit it off. we flirted but did not even kiss. we said goodbye and stayed in touch and due to long distance, we developed a relationship that was not based on sex. 3 years later, I moved her to where I live and we live happy with our 2 pugs! we will get married soon.

anyway, my point is, like the article said, different is better. and most of the time, love just falls in your lap. this article was entertaining for me but was also pretty accurate.re very wrong in the respect that we “do it for the women”. we do it for the music and if any pro tells you anything different, they are lying. ya, your goals and reasons for doing it can change, it all starts with our passion for music.

now, I actually met my girl on tour. it actually was a bad day for me and it was one of those “i should have clocked in can’t wait to get to the bus” shows. her friend was actually being a groupy to my bass player and she was strung along all pissed off too from things going on in her life at the time. this is really what drew me to her. she was not sluty or looking for anything. I said hello, then a few minutes later we left. she came to our next show (via her friend making her go) and we hit it off. we flirted but did not even kiss. we said goodbye and stayed in touch and due to long distance, we developed a relationship that was not based on sex. 3 years later, I moved her to where I live and we live happy with our 2 pugs! we will get married soon.

anyway, my point is, like the article said, different is better. and most of the time, love just falls in your lap. this article was entertaining for me but was also pretty accurate.


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